Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Sometimes the lack of something makes you aware of the things you are truly dependant on.
Take for example, the day my office ran out of coffee. I went into a bad state of caffein withdrawal, nodding off every few minutes and feeling lethargic. So did quite a number of people. Well, not really, but I didn't want to be known as the only 'coffee dependant' in the office.
Then a couple of days ago I sprained my ankle. And I've been itching to do sports or even walk properly. I never knew how much I loved my ankles. It was hard not jumping around like a monkey.
Also, my internet connection was down because I shared my pc with people who don't know anything about pc's and somehow disabled my intenet connection (I seriously don't know how they did it) and caused weird error messages to pop out every now and then. So after not being able to connect to the net last night, I finally realised what was wrong and now I'm back again.
But not being online has humbled me enough to accept the fact that yes, I AM an internet junkie. This is almost too sad to believe.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
It's ironic how one can comment on another's plight and suffer the same two days later. And no, I'm not talking bout a car accident, but a twisted ankle.
Said tragedy (tragedy; because those who know me know that I pretty much can't live with my regular dose of sports or any physical activity which includes jumping around like the monkey that I am. Literally) happened during a game of futsal on Tuesday. A shot deflected off my left foot thus causing hurt to my ligaments.
The ankle felt fine, probably due to the adrenalin rush. After my shower however, the ache started. By morning, my ankle was as good as gone. Lucky I drive an automatic (I knew there was a reason I bought an auto).
The whole incident however was a good reflection of my take on life as I know it now. Had I not taken on a different role (I usually play as the last man in the defensive line coz I suck anywhere else) in the game, I would not have been in a position to get hurt. But as things would have it, I decided to try out a new role as a midfielder and placed myself in a more vulnerable position.
It was on a whim. I just felt a surge of confidence saying 'Heck, let's just do this! What's the worst that could happen? They would just score a goal!" And so I did that and I felt that I played my new position rather well. It all boils down to confidence!
So many things are changing. And I relish the challenge.
Monday, September 18, 2006
I lit the incense and watch it burn into ashes. Then I watch as the ashes are washed away by the billowy wind that carries it to the corners of my house. I watched as the light burns out.
Too many things are burning out in my life. At times I think it may be an indication of change, as some of those things are doubts in my path. Things which I took to be born out of my passion for them are discovered to be of a less passionate origin. Things from which I drew my passion from no longer fuel me.
I watched as my love for animation and design took a back seat to a more solid career path and a different set of opportunities. Reasons of interest made way for space to grow. Personal satisfaction is defined as doing something that you will love in the end, rather than just the process of getting there.
In a way, I learnt to distinguished what I enjoy, and what I love.
I am now contemplating giving up an art which has driven me for more than three years. Maybe not give up entirely, but definitely a break. It has become something of a chore in recent times. That is something I've yet to understand, for it was once the very thing which spurred me onwards. Now it only seeks to tire me.
Maybe it's the people. Maybe it's the culture, the community. Maybe it's the changes. But people change. Things change.
Maybe it's just me. Maybe I just found something better.
And in the darkness I lit another incense. And I watched it burn slowly. The glow of the light seemed so bright in the calm darkness of the night.
Today I quit my job for reasons of my own, to pursue something in a totally different line of work. I know I've mentioned winds of change in a previous post, and this is the first of many. There are still loose ends to tie up.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
It was a dark and stormy afternoon... and I was drowsy from the lack of a substantial amount of coffee. That, coupled with the internet being down, finally did the job and struck me down like a catepillar which just ate some DDT laced greens.
So I peeled myself off my seat and headed for the couch to take a power nap. And I found I couldn't wake up...
I was in a dream where I find myself waking up only to realise that I'm still asleep. And I kept doing that numerous times. I even felt on a few occasions the presence of someone towering over me while I struggled to open my eyes into conciousness.
After a while, which felt like an eternity, I found myself finally embracing the surface of wakefulness. And as I climb out of the darkness of sleep, I wondered wtf that was all about...
My office is haunted!!! (Jeng jeng jeng!!! *corny thriller-esque music)
Monday, September 04, 2006
Sometimes life brings you down. And screws with you. Hard. (Not in that way you pervert!!!)
And after all that screwing is done, (and no, you're not left with a very big a-hole) you find yourself pretty much wondering what that was all about. Pretty much like getting raped. Except without the physical pain, but with a similar amount of mental trauma.
It is a sad state to be in. There's rebuilding to do, finding a reason to live again. Trying to find what you have lost. Trying to find out what you have lost. Trying to find yourself. Trying to find others. Trying to find reason.
Then life does something unexpectedly courteous in the way that life can sometimes be untimely courteous to people. Some of you may have experienced such a phenomenon before. And in the past few weeks, I know I have.
Things just kept happening to put things that were wrong, back in place. For once, things were starting to happen. And happen right. And I don't think it's just a coincidence, and I don't think it's just a matter of faith in a greater power or anything for that matter. I believe it somehow stems from the belief that one has the ability to do so. To make a change.
And as one person mentioned before, you have to want it bad enough for things to somehow come your way. And I believe it does. But sometimes, you have to give yourself, or your own luck, a push in the right direction. You have to get up off your arse and do something about it.
Sometimes, all that effort pays off.
Things are changing. Just you wait and see.