Report heard on CMM

Reporter: So now here we are standing in front of a McP's restaurant at an undisclosed location where a man has just been arrested for attempting to buy a H@ppy Me@l! The executive, in his early twenties was caught red-handed as he was trying to purchase a H@ppy Me@l for his own benefit, thus depriving the thousands of young kids who are waiting in line everyday to purchase the new Bemo range of toys from the fastfood chain! The executive was handed over to the authorities when the counter girl who attended to him grew suspicious when she noticed that he didn't want a H@ppy box with the meal!

"He didn't want the box and he knew exactly what he wanted. He ordered very quickly and was correct in pronouncing the bombastic and silly names of our products! This made me suspicious as most parents wouldn't know a thing about buying these meals for their children" she said in broken english! (which is corrected and edited here to make her look slightly more intellectual)

Branch manager En. H commented that the new policy imposed by the fast food chain was relevent as many children were deprived of such toys because many young executives flocked in numbers to get them on their dates of release. "These executives... clearly they have more time and money than the parents of these children. Somemore, they can order faster and can pronounce the names of the products correctly without pointing and looking like a fool. Most parents have difficulty grasping the simple names of our products and spend a long time trying to communicate with our staff. This usually caused delays for the rest of the customers, but since we're a family restaurant, it's only natural that these things happen!" he said.

Mr.K, a bachelor with no family and lives alone in an apartment in Saiberlalaland wasn't so amused. "Those (expletive) (expletive)s! They are so old already but still they want to buy these things! Can't they leave the toys to the children?"
Reporter: But sir, isn't that a Bemo toy you have there with you?
"What? This? This is er... for my daughter!"
Reporter: BUt didn't you say you have no family?
"Hey, Mr. Smarty pants... Why don't you (expletive) mind your own (expletive) business huh? What I do and what I buy is none of your (expletive) business okay? Now get the (expletive) off!!!

A youngster who only wants to be known as Ah Beng feels that the toys are not cause for worry. "Aiyah... these Bemo things ar... I shiok, I buy lor! Then you ask who make money? They all lar make money! I got lui (money)... I buy, they get my money they H@ppy lor! Evelibodi H@ppy lor!!! Like that also want to choi su (find fault)! Chin chia gau luan! (Like to complain a lot!)

His girlfriend, Ah-not-so-lian has a slightly more intellectual response. "Well, the way I see it, they are making a lot of money from these products, so why not produce more for the consumers? I mean, I think it's like cool and all that to own one of those Bemo toys, all the happening dudes and babes like me,have all got them! Personally, I think it's fine if a grown-up takes interest in these toys. Why shouldn't they? They are cute and adorable, right? I think those enforcement officers should go sit on the toilet and (expletive) themselves. They are so old fashioned. I mean if they can;t enjoy these toys because they;re too busy being grumpy and all, that's fine... but please don't involve the public, right? I mean, I'm like 45 and I'm still hip and trendy and I can still enjoy these toys! Oh, him? Well, he's 20. What do I find interesting about him? Well... he's gorgeous.... I mean look at that dyed hair... it's soo.... so... colourful... like a parrot! And those rings... on his nose... his eyebrows, his nipples... his... ahem... (giggles) Hey! Isn't this intereview about the Bemo toys?"

Reporter: Now it seems as if the executive is being led out... wait.. he's being released! Hold on... let me catch up with him... Sir... sir! Can I ask you a question sir? I'm sorry sir, I can't publish that! Really sir, you have to watch your language, this IS after all going on national TV!
"Let it be known, to all Malaysians out there! There is NO justice in the system!!! None! Zilch!"
Reporter: And why is that sir?
"I was only buying it for my girlfriend! It was not for me! I didn't want to waste food, so I have to choke down the H@ppy Me@l! Of course I didn;t ask for the box, but Noooo.... they still HAD to give it to me!"
Reporter: Is that why you were released sir?
"Heck NO!!! They were going to charge me on account of buying the Bemo toy for another executive which is liable for fines up to RM 3,500 or jail for up to 10 years or both!"
Reporter: Wow! That is heavier than the fine imposed on the failure to turn up for natinal service!
"Indeed"
Reporter: So what made them change their minds?
"I had to rasuah them lar what else?"
Reporter: But isn't that illegal?
"Dude, what planet are you in? You think they care? All I had to do was flash my Bemo toy in front of them and they were fighting for it!"
Reporter: I'm gonna exclaim in the most used word of pure idiotism! Woh!
"Now I have to go hunt around for another Bemo toy before the promortion runs out, or some executive buys it off the shelves before I do!"
Reporter: Good luck sir!
"Thanks! Now can you please give me back my paperbag so that I can cover my face?"
Reporter: Sure, thanks for your cooperation! You've heard it here folks! Tune in two hours later for our up to date updates on the news! Thank you very much!

Last week, I sacrificed my dignity by queuing up to buy a... H@ppy Me@l! Oh... the pain... oh the embarassment! Oh my shattered macho image!!!

Thing's I've learnt about buying H@ppy Me@ls!

1) Always pause and pretend to think, and hesitate a lot to emulate adults who are uncool and don't know anything about McD's.

2) Pretend to crack your brains trying to remember what some imaginary child would like with his/her H@ppy Me@l!!!

3) Even better if you can quickly create such a character!

4) Point at everything and ask silly and redundant questions!

5) Mispronounce the names of the food or pretend that you don't know what it's called!

6) If possible, try to act cool in a dorky sort of way!

7) Drop hints of buying the H@ppy Me@l for someone other than yourself!

8) Drop even MORE hints of buying the H@ppy Me@l for someone other than yourself!

9) H@ppy Me@ls come in small portions! Not fit for consumption if you happen to eat a lot like me! Unless you buy two at one go!

10) Practice digging holes beforehand! You might want to bury your head after you purchase a H@ppy Me@L!

I hope at least 'someone' is H@ppy with the toy that came with it! ;)

EON Service Centre Cheats Designer

Wednesday, Bangi - A young multimedia designer who declined to be named was cheated by an Eon Service centre here today when he sent his car for servicing. Firstly, the pleasant looking mechanic told him that the 'minor' service stated on the EON booklet was in fact an error and that the car was actually in need of a 'major' servicing. The Designer, somewhat suspicious, called his mechanic consultant and confirmed that his car did indeed need a major servicing. He was quoted a package with the price of RM 750. The designer who obviously wasn't being paid enough, decided to do a 'half-service' to save costs!

Expecting the final cost to be lower than RM 750 he then proceeded back to his company to spend the rest of his day mundanely clicking on his mouse and watching spiders spin webs on his monitor. Upon collecting his car later, he was slapped with a hefty RM 1*** bill for the service! Shocked at this blashemy, he questioned the mechanic and found out that a particular set of parts they changed was RM 500+!!! Even more surprising was that they didn't even tell him about it earlier! So the poor overworked designer had to fork out the money as it was already billed to him and cursed all the way home!

Upon consulting his mechanic consultant, he found out that the set of parts they changed for him was not necessary and should only cost about RM 200! And taking into account the high service charge of RM 300+, the designer was cheated by the service centre of nearly RM 700 (including other miscellaneous parts!) Though nothing can be done about the matter, the designer vowed never to go to an EON Service centre ever, and urges the public to follow suit unless absolutely necessary! "First, they cheat us with cheap cars, then they rip up off with overpriced 'cheap' parts!" he said.

-Sources from 'Tak Bernama' and the Phlumberg Times!-

On the bright side, Dan won a trip to catch the Angels in L.A.!!! Woohoooo!!! Congrats Dan!!!

This blog was supposed to be on Sunday, but due to my inability to publish it and lack of time, here it is on an early Thursday morning! Enjoy! ;)

Woke up late this morning with a great feeling knowing that I do not have to work today! Decided to have some brunch. A peek at my kitchen revealed a bunch of banana's, some kaya, butter, and bread. Banana sandwich!!! Wooohoooo!!!

Proceeded to take out all ingredients and plotted my masterpiece! I took two slices of bread and then decided to have another two! As I reached out for the next slice of bread, I noticed a small hole in the middle. Thinking it must be one of those wonders of modern baking, I proceeded to take out the slice only to see an even bigger hole in the slice below. This sparked my curiosity, so I took a closer look and found that the hole went all the way through the rest of the bread and out of the bag!

Needless to say I junked the bag down the dustbin! Never again will I buy bread without first inspecting the bottom! Bluergh!!!

Today, I am proud to announce that I have made my very first online payment! (Actually it was two days ago. Blogger has something against me publishing me blog the last two nights!)

Yes, the old-fashioned me finally gave up all that queing up on Saturday mornings just to give away my hard-earned cash to companies for using their services! From now on, it's online payments whenever possible! Now I can spend my Saturday off's going back to my hometown or sleeping in! Waaahooooo!!!!!

I was writing a blog on how I have nothing much to write when my internet explorer crashed on me erasing every single piece of rubbish I had written earlier. (I had added a small segment of how absurd it is to work!) Seeing that, I now have something to write about! Hoorah!!!

I've been working for a year now. And no, I'm still not really liking it! I guess when you work for others, (especially people who think everything can be done overnight, without the slightest idea of how HARD it is to accomplish the task) you can't really enjoy your work. And this brings me to the question, why are youths wasting the best years of their lives WORKING?

While the question lingers, I shall take a good night's rest, and pray that enforcement officers don't raid my house for pirated VCD's! XP