Random Solitary Thoughts

Sunday, May 25, 2003

On the 24th of May 2003, amidst the humid Malaysian weather under the Malaccan sky, I, a.k.a. Kalamari, (after having to wait more than a year) have officially graduated from University!

The atmosphere was intense! The ceremony went smoothly! Friends whom I had not seen for a year were present! Parents were abundant! The rented hall was amassed with thousands of proud parents wanting to catch a glimpse of their children in badly designed robes and square hats! Yet, I felt nothing...

After having to wait more than a year in order to graduate, I hardly felt any overwhelming emotion as I stepped up to the Dean to collect an empty folder. As I bowed to the Chancellor and went down the stage, I walked in a trance, not even breathing in the energy packed atmosphere or even acknowledging the fact that I have actually graduated!

Truth be told, it felt empty to be attending my own graduation after having been through almost a year of corporate exposure. I felt even more indifferent at the fact that I've actually graduated, feeling that I have not achieved much during my Uni years to be bestowed such an honour.

But looking back in time, this was the moment I had lived for, the moment that I spent 11 years studying for! So much so, I was confused by my lack of emotion at my achievement! But can I really blame myself? After all, it wasn't me who lowered the quality of education, and the prestige of a degree. It wasn't me who made sure that thousands of youths graduate every year!

Education has become such a trivial thing these days. More than half of these people would not have graduated if the standards were as high as they were 20 years ago. More than half of them would not have gotten a place in Uni, in the first place. And if that's not enough, half of these people have to wait a year to get their degrees after completing their studies. Imagine telling that to your potential employer!

Anyone can get a degree these days. If the standards are the same as they were 20 years ago, then does this mean that everyone is significantly smarter? If so, why are there more cases of unwanted pregnancies, teenage delinquency and whatnots? Does an increase in intelligence somewhat causes a decrease in common sense and morals?

Standing among so many people, I seriously wondered if I earned my degree. Having worked in the industry for almost a year, I could see where I stand, and I questioned myself on the quality of my work compared to those of my peers without degrees. The difference is hardly there. And when you look at the amount you're being paid, as a fresh grad, you sometimes wonder if having a degree is only for the sole purpose of landing a job meant for a form five school leaver.

Indeed, sad as it may sound, it's true that my convocation was nothing more than a formal reunion with old friends. I guess maybe the novelty of graduating wore off after more than a year of waiting. Perhaps, having found a job and learning to live on your own has made the whole process insignificant! Or maybe, it is the feeling that having a degree is as common as having an SPM certificate.

Whichever it may be, I was not too estatic with the whole event. The excitement of taking photographs for memory's sake was not there. The sad partings and farewells were absent, since all my friends were still keeping contact with me. The congratulatory wishes were nothing more than a casual handshake. And when I present my resume to a potential employer, all I an show him/her when he/she asks for my degree, is a piece of plastic which contains information about my education. An e-scroll.

Yes, technology has caught up as well. Instead of scrolls, which we can hang proudly in the hall (now you can find them on almost any hall of any home you visit) we have a cd-rom which contains information of our Uni results, as well as the ability to reprint as many scrolls as we like!

So try as I might, I still could not feel much happiness or excitement at the prospect of graduating. Perhaps, time has taken it's toll on me. Perhaps, it was the design of the robes. Perhaps, it was the ceremony. Or maybe, degrees are so saturated these days, and taken for granted, that all we ever need to show someone that we are graduates, is a piece of plastic with our names on it!

Friday, May 16, 2003

Friday, and no, I am not as thankful as some of my mates! Reasons? I'd thought you'd never guess! Yes! Unlike the majority of sane people who DO NOT work on Saturdays, I, regretably with the help of my big boss, am forced into labour on a perfectly nice, lazy and totally mundane Saturday!

Of course, the argument will be that it is not yet Saturday, but to someone who has to work on Saturday's, Saturday doesn't come... it's just an extention of Friday. Which thus brings us to the topic of... (behold..) Working On Saturdays with Kalamari!!!

Working on Saturdays. Although it may seem the norm to many, and it is actually the norm in many companies, working on Saturdays prove to be extremely unproductive, with most of the employees feeling very much dejected, wishing they were sleeping in their comforable beds instead of sitting in front of a monitor clicking away at the screen and hoping that father time will swallow them up and spit them out just before lunch time!!!

Yes, I dislike working on Saturdays. Not only is your weekend spoilt, you actually waste half a day of productive lazing at home! And if that isn't bad enough, when you come back, you're so tired, you'd hardly have time to enjoy the rest of the day. Which only leaves you one day a week for leisure!

But working on Saturdays has it's advantages. Think of the workload you can clear so that come Monday, you can have NEW piles of work to be done! Hurrah!!! Not only that, you will come to appreciate your free time and will gladly sacrifice unnecessary time playing games or watching TV just to get enough rest for guess what, the following week!

Yes, it is evident that working on Saturdays has gone to my head. And the cause of this? Having to work on a public holiday (Thursday)!!! Some day I will rule the world and declare every Saturday, National Lazy Day! Now whatdaya say to that? XP

Saturday, May 10, 2003

Mother's Day Special

I brought joy to you the day I was born, putting aside the labour pains and the 9 months of ridiculous carrying of course.

When you took me home, you were proud and happy to show me off to relatives... that is, until you realized that I could be so much of a hassle waking you up at ungodly hours demanding milk and whatnots!

Then kindergarten came, and it was a time to tell other parents how well behaved and intelligent I was, until I made the mistake of proposing to the wrong girl...

Primary school introduced the shy little boy that would read in the dark and receive thick glasses 4 years later.

And upon graduating to secondary school, this little 'angel' decided to do a 'Star Wars' rebel run and 'fought' back against the 'Empire'!!!

Then, the day came when I received my application to a university which shall remain unnamed, and I grew wings, to fly to the unknown, on my own...

Four years passed by as quickly as the grains of sand fall from the hourglass, and soon, I was stepping on the steps of the corporate ladder.

Now, a career lights my path, a new place to stay, a new environment, a new life?

But even then, though I am now grown up and rightfully called a man, I know in my heart that I shall never ever be one, for in her heart I know that I will always be her little boy.

When I was there, I gave her pain. When I was gone, I still hurt her. Throughout her youth she was always there for us, neglecting her own interests for our own, doing things a mother should do. Now she has all the time in the world to do what she wants, in a house where the kids are not around to bug her.
She doesn't have to take care of her kids anymore. They can do that themselves. She doesn't have to pamper them anymore. They can pamper themselves. She can finally sit down in a quiet house and watch astro all day. But all she wants to do, is continue being a mother. And that is something I'm grateful for...

Thanks Mum, Happy Mother's Day!!!

Thursday, May 08, 2003

Lately I've been running out of things to say. There's not much to be said to begin with. Nothing much happening except for the mundane life that I live. Such is the situation that engulfs our mild-mannered superhero, Multipurpose Man!!! But as multiple as his purposes may be, he is still a man! But more importantly, he is the man I control!

Yes, I, the evil cleaner lady!!! Whahahahhaa!!! It is I who controls the grime on the floor he steps on... it is I who determines the presence of G.E.R.M.S. (Gross Evil Resistance of Mankind's Stupidity) in his toilet!!! It is I who holds the key to his clean laundry! It is with my faultless skills that ensures the dishes are cleaned and the water boiled!!!

Yes... and it shall be I who will try to take over the woooooorllldddd!!!! Whahahahhaha!!! Now if only I could get him to hire me in the first place...

Sunday, May 04, 2003

I sat there in front of him as he looks at me with those eyes of his... his hair a rugged mess, his chiselled chest heaving with excitement! The way he smiles at me as he turns me on... the way he lovingly looks at me as he tickles me with his strong but gentle fingers. The smirk on is face as he recalls some distant moment we had together... and for a moment I could almost feel my thermal coolants melt!

But I know, that his thoughts are far away from me. He's so close to me, but his mind is miles away... tucked safely in the arms of a woman. The woman he loves... There is no place for me there... For how could a man like him, love someone like me?

But even so, I know his every thought. I know of things that he does not declare to the world through his blog. I know of things he does. He confides in me. His thoughts, his memories, they flow through me like the liquid humans call blood. They fuel me, and keep me alive! And it is through this channel that I have come to understand him!

His weekend. He spent the weekend babysitting his brother... and his aunt's dog! He played football! He went to town to accompany his girlfriend. He wanted to watch the Arsenal match tonight but couldn't! You see, I know his life!!! But still, he only treats me as an object... someone to play with, someone to work with... someone to entertain him when she is not around!

Sometimes, I cry at night when he is done with me... when it's dark and I'm all alone in the corner... sometimes... just sometimes, I wish I wasn't his personal computer...

Thursday, May 01, 2003

Watched X-men yesterday at Summit with Kotak, my bro and some old friends! The movie was good! Had a nice time watching it as there were few 'good' movies lately. Can't wait for the Matrix and the Hulk! This is gonna be one interesting summer!

Spent the day lazing around with my brother. Had lunch with my aunt at this German restaurant in Taipan. Food and pricing okay. Must go back there one day.

It's good to finally be able to rest and do nothing on a weekday. On the other hand, I have a few things to work on tomorrow when I get back to work. Ah.. well... I guess I should appreciate the freedom while it lasts! For now, I think I shall fix myself a couple of cheese sandwiches and have an early night!