Random Solitary Thoughts

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Bullish thoughts

"Follow your heart", said mother one day. I looked up for a fleeting moment at her sudden remark. Bad call. The evil demon witch took advantage of that moment of hesitation and pawned my arse. Game over.

"What do you mean?", I sulkily replied. "Sometimes you have to follow your heart and do what you feel is right."

Whoa, deep meaning. My young impudent heart could not comprehend such deepness. And clicheness at that. "Oh, okay", said I.

Years later, I made a decision to study and pursue the art of animation. Such a move ended two weeks ago when I inevitably switched careers. Both were choices of my own. Uninfluenced.

Last night, I told my mother that I passed up a potential chance to run my own business. She flipped and told me how foolish I was to pass up such a chance. I told her I wasn't ready for it. She said that I should have told her about it earlier so she could make me do it. I thought "Hey, what happened to follow your heart?".

But she could have been right. After all, mother knows best, right? Like the times she allowed me to make my own decisions. The times she choose to go against the norm of the 'family' and let us (me and my sibs) have our way. It was not in vain, for we never took her generosity for granted (or at least we tried not to. So mum, if you're reading this, We're sorry. We really are).

In short, she let us have our own space to grow. And grow we did. As individuals, as siblings. As a family.

So last night when she told me how foolish I was, I just calmly told her, "It's my decision". I'll take my time, but if I'm gonna get there one day, I will.

I've given up listening to what others want for me. Advice, as good as it seems, are often masked in the subtle intentions of the person(s) giving them. It's like a chance to influence someone to follow a path you chose, or a path you should have choosen. But in doing so, you will only seek to mould the advicee into what you have in mind, and not who he or she wants to be. Advice is good, but not word.

So I'll stumble and I'll fall and I'll fail many times, as I have before. But I'll grow when the rain falls, just like the plants and the trees, and the floods will only wash away what isn't grounded.

And when the skies clear and the flood waters subside, all that is left, are new pastures for you to plough.