Random Solitary Thoughts

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Newsflash: Bowels Implodes!

Wednesday: Day after taking a fake MC to chauffer family around town... (which ended up being for real since the Protagonist did fall sick in the end)

Dinner the night before was rather uneventful, tho greatly appetizing for mild-mannered Kalamari. He wolfed down quite a bit of food, which resulted in a rather unpleasant feeling reeling in his bowels even as I type this newflash report.

So as the food from last night and this afternoon retched in the endless depths of his bowels, he struggled to keep it in. But as time wore on, he became weary, and thus he released MultiPurpose Man (jeng jeng jeng) to battle the evil creature that is the creature from the depths of Kalamari's bowels!

And thus MultiPurpose Man faced off with the evil creature from the depth of bowels and they fought for 2 hours non-stop. At first, MPM applied the Will of Subdue on the creature, which managed to keep it quiet for a few minutes, but it retaliated with Rumble from Beyond!

The renewed attack repelled MPM, but he recouped and launched a level 3 COTBC (Clasp Of The Butt Cheeks) knocking the vile creature into a drunken stupor which lasted well over ten minutes. But eventually, the evil creture from the depths regained consciousness and delivered Purge level 3 into the invincible walls of MPM's COTBC!!!

The spell held (literally)!!! And the evil brown demon growled with renewed fevour! It launched Flood of Damnation at the COTBC but nothing can loosen (again literally) MPM's COTBC!!! The creature growled in fury, and retreated back down the small intestines.

MultiPurpose Man did it! He had saved the @$$ (literally once again) of mild-mannered Kalamari! Everyone rejoiced and drank beer! But the joy was short-lived as a distant rumbling was heard from the alimentary tract! The creature LIVES!!!

It roared down the small intestines, and behind it was an army of half-digested thinghys!!! MPM reared in his steed, and quickly renewed his COTBC! BOOM!!! The army of the evil vile creature from the depths of Kalamari's bowels hit the COTBC, bouncing off like little Gumby men! They regrouped, and charged again!

This time, cracks started appearing on the side of the wall! MPM quickly reinforced it with Grip of the Desperate, and all was well! But the wall will not hold for long, so MPM with all his years of experience, prepared for a counter attack with a decoy, the infamous OutFlow!!!

He quickly directed the forces of Kalamari into the T.O.I.L.E.T.(Terrain Of Irrelevant Leaking and Everlasting Torrents) and prepared to disengage his wall! The monster had gathered all his remaining forces and was now pushing for the final blow!

Quickly, MPM removed his Veil of Lower Protection (2 layers of it... ;)) and activated the OutFlow, an ability which purges his spells and allows undisturbed passage out the back door! Needless to say, the forces of the monster crashed right through the Fortress of Kalamari and into the eternal void which is the T.O.I.L.E.T.!

Looking out of the entrance, MPM sneakily waved goodbye to the vile evil creature and casted Waterfall, a spell which creates a mystical waterfall to cleanse the evil!

Thus the day was saved and MultiPurpose Man thanks his fans for their support and goes home to eat home-made pizza!