Random Solitary Thoughts

Thursday, December 19, 2002

Yesterday, I made the terrible mistake of making the wrong comment on Aimo's blog. And for that, I apologize. After thinking about it and regretting my actions, I have come to the conclusion that I have a very big mouth, or itchy fingers at that. So back to the topic at hand.

I realised, that yes, I have not treated her as a friend, and have often taken her patience for granted, to the extent of teasing her about sensitive matters, which shall not be mentioned her. I'm not trying to defend myself, or maybe I am, but I do admit that I was and still am, pretty much an @$$hole. And for that, I say I'm sorry.

And seeing that I've already come to terms with the fact that I am an @$$hole, I do try to change. And like all things that require change, I need time as well. Looks like I have to try harder now, as I have her gang of friends backing her up. No, I'm not trying to be funny or anything, but I do realise that I have angered, or pissed off quite a number of people with my unjustified comments. Yesh, Eisu, (sorry, can't find your blog link) I do realise that you are right. My comments on her blog were unjustified, but like all things ironic, I realized that only after I hit the 'post' button. For my ignorance and tendency to 'hit' before 'previewing' I say sorry.

It is none of my business to meddle in the affairs of others, and I'm not trying to become enemies or do so at my own convenience. I am merely a person who has a small brain, uncertain of what to say or do. I admit I have faults... plenty, and I'm a genius at pissing people off. Another comment after Eisu's by an anonymous friend also sparked some light into my shallow brain. To those who suffered from my shallowness, I'm sorry.

Yes, I do agree that people who agitate you are not worth your time. I am one with this philosophy, and to see it used against me is indeed hurtful. But the truth can't be denied and time and time again, one needs to be reminded that one still has many faults and a lot of work before one can be excepted. And seeing that I've fumbled in upholding this philosophy, I'm sorry.

So from all these, stem this blog. And what do I seek to achieve from this? I do not know. It is merely a place where I can place feelings which I can't describe verbally. I have hurt a friend, and all her friends, and made potential enemies with a lot of other people out there. But in truth, I do not want to make enemies, only friends. So have I tried too hard to be heard but only succeed in hurting? Only time can answer my questions...

So do you apologize? Yes I do. Do you explain yourself? I try to. Do you accept your faults? I chew them and spit them out. And what do you gain from all this? A lesson. What kind of lesson? To keep my freaking mouth shut, and my fingers near my heart! And what of the people you hurt? Only time can tell... only time can tell...

And for that... I'm sorry...


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