THING WARS: The thing strikes back

Taken from the diary of stalker girl:

First entry - Today is my first day in campus. I'm so excited. I just can't wait to meet all the cute guys and the seniors (I'm a sucker for older men). I hope I 'bump' into one today! Oooohhh... getting goosebumps just thinking about it!

Second entry - Lunchtime and still no studs around. This place sucks! The only male species in my class were still undergoing evolution from single-cell organisms. Those who weren't were hopeless ah bengs who spend more time with a mirror looking ugly than with their pretty girlfriends! This is soooo sick!!!

Third entry - Wooohooo!!!! Dropped my wallet into the drain and got it soaked, bended over to pick it up and was knocked down into the drain by some silly ah beng who can't see where he was going!!! Tried to climb out but ripped my super short, super tight miniskirt and exposed part of my undies! Guys were oogling!!! >:) But no one helped!!! :(( Until... a drop-dead gorgeous guy came along and offered his hand. I took it, and he hauled me up with hardly any effort at all! Very strong... mmmm... He handed me a used clean hankerchief and said that's all he had. No tissues!!! What kind of guy doesn't carry tissues these days!!! Definitely not a sissy! Macho! And who carries hankerchiefs anyway? Only a sensitive, environment-loving guy!!! Oooh.... I was falling for him, then he spoke to me!!! He told me to keep the hanky, (he probably has more) and told me to be careful in such a mature and caring manner, befitting one who is cultured, well-mannered, and probably 'SENIOR'!!! So I shyly, but deviously asked him... if he was in my class, to which he smiled and said, "Not likely... If you were two years earlier, maybe... " I knew then, that this was a senior! Not just any senior... but THE senior!!! OOoh... he's soooo coooolll!!! I hope I meet him again soon... and no... I was too star-strucked to ask him his name... but I'm sure it will be something that symbolically signifies the manliness that he represents... something like Han Duet or Chewbaka... or maybe even Yoda...

Fourth entry - Finally, after two weeks of hard work, trailing and tracking down my 'sempai' (senior), I have come close to a conclusion... I have fallen deeply in love with him! I also found out that he's still single (good for me), and that he is majoring in film and animation... an movie guy... I like... He is also apparently proficient in a lot of areas... sort of like a multi-tasker or multipurpose person... (dang, I'll think of a better name to give him some other time...) But today, my hard work has finally paid off!!! I found... his name!!!! WHAHahahahhaa <--- (squeals in evil laughter) ...tho not really what I had in mind... He calls himself... (or at least that's what I hear his friends call him...) Kalamari Calamary! (name changed to protect identity of persons involved). But who cares!!! He is soooo cuuuuuuteee!!!

Fifth entry - Dang... silly ah beng boy trailing me around... making it hard for me to stalk my multipurpose squid... scheming of ways to poison persistant ah beng...

Sixth entry - Calamary BUMPED into meeeee!!!! Yeeeessshhhh! I'm on cloud nine... (note from author: actually his bag bumped into her when he passed her by apparently in a rush of some sort)

Seventh entry - It's been a while since I last wrote... assignments bearing down on me... Saw Calamary less and less... and when I do... he seems to be always in a rush... Further research and probing into people he hangs out with reveals that assignments aren't due till much later... and being the multipurpose guy that he is... he shouldn't have problems finishing in time. This is puzzling me...

Eighth entry - Saw Calamary rushing out of campus today. He's looking in bad shape. Something's up... if only I had the courage to approach him and ask him what's wrong... Silly ah beng boy houding me again... the broken nose I gave him last week is healing... he actually looks better with that broken nose...

Nineth entry - Ohmigawdicannotbelievethiscalamarysatbesidemeinthecafeteriatodayandi
didn'tnoticehimtillheleftgawdi'msuchanidiot!!!!!!!!! I should go hang myself for this...

Tenth entry - Saw Calamary hanging around with this white,fat,ugly student who walks like a girl! What does he see in him? That guy is everything that defines a faggot!!! (note from author: No offense people, this was written to characterize the person writing the diary, no bias or stereotypical feelings about gays... sorry.) Wait... this makes sense!!! He's single... he doesn't seem to be chasing girls... he's the definition of machoness and the perfect guy any girl would like to have but can't get... nooo... My sempai is.... oh noooo..... GAY!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAaaaaaaAaaaaaaaaaaaa
AAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!! (my poor heart is broken)

P.S. Didn't sleep until 6.30am thinking about it... *sniff* *sniff*

Eleventh entry - Felt really bad. Still haven't recovered from the shock... assignments and sleepless nights ain't helping either. Ah beng boy asks me for a drink after class. I agreed as I was too tired to fight off his pathetic attempts and corny pickup lines. He was rather nice though... buying me coffee and all... dang! What am I thinking! Crap! crap!crap!!! Back to work!!!

Twelveth entry - Was burning my brains thinking about my assignment in the labs with ah beng boy by my side bugging me with silly phrases and broken english when Calamary came in... apparently searching for someone. My heart skipped a beat. And ah beng boy spoke... to him!!! He knows him!!! And he never said a thing before!!! If only I knew earlier, I would have seduced him to get closer to sempai!!!! Noooo!!! I felt like I wanted to KILL ( Krush Incinerate Lobotomize and eLectrify) HIM!!! But no... he had to play it smart and introduced Calamary to me!!! Oh... the bliss!!! Calamary introduced himself as Squidocious Squid, such a cool name!!! He then proceeded to tutor us in Maya (and maybe more perhaps...>:) )(note from author: darn perverted woman!!!), patiently explaining everything in perfect detail, coupled with experience in his deep caring and kind voice. I would have been enlightened and become a Maya guru there and then, but I was too mesmerized by his voice and his stunning looks!!! Then, ah beng boy did something smart (for once in his life). He asked Calamary why he was hanging around with that... that... THING!!! And from their conversation, I gathered information...
1) Calamary is NOT gay!!! WOOOHOOOO!!! There's still a chance for me!!!
2) He's only helping that... person/thing/whatever!!! Ooooh.. he's so noble!!!
3) Things aren't looking good...
He had to go... so we went back to our work... and my mind began to wander... when am I going to see the solution to this puzzle?

Thirteenth entry - Bumped into Calamary again. This time he apologized for rushing! He's sooooo sweet! But things definitely don't look good. The last I saw of him, he was heading towards that eeewww... that... thing... Who knows what mess my sempai has gotten himself into this time... only time can tell...

Fourteenth entry - I was walking down the stairs when sempai rushed past me... his face all serious and dark. I felt so scared seeing him like that! But as he turned the corner, he had an odd grin. Something big is happening...

Fifteenth entry - Computer crashed!!! Noooooo!!!!! Luckily, ah beng boy offered to fix it... quite efficient too... at least he's good for something.

Sixteenth entry - Saw sempai having a big argument/fight with the thing (I have resorted to call him that after all the trouble he has caused my sempai... dunno what trouble but I don't like it either way...)! Sempai used the forbidden word!!! In public!!! And loudly!!! Oh no! Something big is happening! Saw the thing run after sempai! Something gonna happen...

Seventeenth entry - Sempai strolled past me in his 'Terry' outfit. The torn jeans and sleeveless t-shirt with the red cap that reminds me so much of Terry Bogart in Fatal Fury! His head was down so he didn't see me. I could feel the killing aura surrounding him! I wanted so much to follow him... to give him support... to fight his battles... but I've already promised ah beng boy that I'll have a drink with him... and I'm not the sort who FFK's... Ah well... good luck to sempai! I'll talk to him tomorrow...

Eigthteenth entry - Saw sempai online. Messaged him and asked him about the whole thing. He said he was tired, but wouldn't mind a drink. Sempai asked me out for a drink!!! I'm on top of the world!!! WAAAHEYYYY!!! I agreed. Over drinks he told me about the thing. But being the gentleman that he was, he wouldn't say too much. All he said was... that the past week had been hell. The thing had caused a lot of trouble and troubled a lot of people. And yesterday, sempai and a few others put an end to it. I tried to asked more... but he wouldn't talk. All he said before he left was, "Don't trust people too easily... but don't stop trusting people..." I pondered over his words as I watch him walk away...

Nineteenth entry - Woke up late for submission of assignments. Luckily, lousy lecturer overslept as well, so no one could submit till afternoon. Began packing to go back for the hols.

Twentieth entry - I find all this writing senseless and meaningless. I'm packed for the hols. Next semester I'll probably be moving out of campus. Shucks... gonna miss it here. Ah beng boy volunteered to send me to the bus station. He seems nicer each day... except for that lousy english of his... and his silly humour... and his dyed hair...ewww... and his sense of dressing... gotta teach him how to shop one day... yadayadayada... (note from author: The entry went on and on about the imperfections of ah beng boy... which is not part of this story... so it has been editted out for the sake of all you nice people out there)...

Found in a trash bin near the girl's hostel block.