THING WARS: A New Hope...

It was a cold day in May when our quiet undercover hero, Kalamari Squidocious under the intelligent guise of Calamary Squidicos, met the dreaded 'thing'!!! (again, organs flared, ( not the internal ones), violins screeched, and trumpets were banned because they made too much noise) The meeting itself was a joke in its own funny, sadistic, cynical way. Our undercover hero, Kalamari Calamary Squidicos was attending a presentation by the new-comers, the N.E.W.B.I.E.S. (Naive Excited Wannabes Bringing In Expenses for Suck@$$-university). Now, the newbies were all fresh and excited about their first presentation, and their initiation into the wonderful world of suffering. On the way to the E-theatre, tho there's nothing really 'E' about it except Ewww..., our hero decided to stop by an old ally's office to visit the 'King'. There, he met one of the newbies who will be presenting a performance later on. The fella looked like an ordinary chap. A little overweight and under baked, but other than that, he seemed to be like any other newbie, young, innocent and stoopid. Our hero modestly greeted him and was on his way when the newbie turned to him and said, "You won't believe what I have to do later". Our hero thought to himself, okay, let's see what this upstart is made of. (Our hero regretted soon after... but read on to find out more) Most of them performed interesting performances tho none which really stood out. Still, our hero stayed on to see if there is a diamond in the rough... a sore thumb which stood out, a missing slice from the pizza! Then, there came the arrogant newbie whom he met earlier, and his grouped performed a sketch. It was quite entertaining, since it was about contraceptives and all but the highlight was yet to come. In the middle of the sketch, they decided that they should do something interesting (it was part of the sketch) so the arrogant little fella went up to the front of the stage and the most horrible music started to play!!! It was one of Britney Lembing's songs!!! (which one I can't remember... tells you how much of a fan I am eh?)!!! Ooohhhh the agony!!! OOOhhhh the humiliation!!! Oooohhh the pain of the splinter in my @$$!!!

Anyway, the newbie started dancing to the tune and gyrated with his jelly-like body. It was the most horrible scene in the history of our hero's life! But still, with a heart of stone, our hero stayed where he was and faced the ordeal of horrible dancing. Given that a newbie actually had the guts (and plenty of it.. literally... >:) ) to go up front and dance, Calamary felt that a few extra minutes of patience is in order. So our hero stayed... and congratulated the newbie on the attendance of his guts where they should be. After that, our hero left the building, with his thoughts to himself. Surely this new batch of newbies have some promise. Surely some of them will prevail. Surely, a new prodigy can be found. And so on, his thoughts raced through his mind... and then the dreaded image of jelly-boy dancing to Lembing's song... (ewwww) stopped him in his tracks! He realised... that he has just lost his appetite...

(to be continued...)