Random Solitary Thoughts

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Kalamaris' Fables: The Story of the Chicken

Many people take the docile looking chicken for granted. People eat chickens, slaughter chickens, fry them, insult them, steal them and kick them. But no one ever stood by and asked the long awaited question. "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

Hmmmm.. that didn't sound right. What with my feeble attempt at jestery by quoting a corny old line which no one finds funny anymore. Anyhow, the real question of the day is, "Where do chickens come from?" And this, not being a hypothetical blog with theories of evolution and philosophical questions on which came first, the chicken or the egg?, I will attempt to explain the origins of the chicken in my own words. Behold the story of Galus Domestica... the common chicken!

Chickens come from a tiny little island (which is no more) called Chicken. Other than that, they are about as ordinary as any other bird you see out there. It's sort of like how people from Canton are called Cantonese and people from Singapore are called Singaporeans and girls from Petaling street are called Ah Lians. But enough of that for now.

Chickens come from a no-longer-in-existence island named Chicken. The primary inhabitants of the said island is of course, the birds we all know as Chickens. The secondary inhabitants are the worms which the birds feed on. No human has ever set foot on that island, and now that it is no longer in existence, no human ever will.

Now, next to Chicken island is an island inhabitated by mostly humans, plus a few cows. The humans had never set foot on Chicken island, mostly because none of them could build a decent boat at the time. But still they lived in harmony and often dreamed of going to Chicken island to see what it was like, sort of like how some of us dream of working in Singapore so that we can finally afford that GAWDDAMN JAPANESE CAR COZ THE FRIGGIN GOVERMENT IS NOT REDUCING CAR PRICES ANYTIME SOON!!! Not that it matters much to those people since they don't have cars back then... lucky bastards...

Then one day, a great calamaty struck the poor denizens of Chicken island. A volcano that many believed was dormant, was suddenly not dormant anymore, and spewed out tons of hot magma, effectively frying the birds of chicken island. During the first explosion, many of the birds which were grazing for worms at the top of the volcano were blasted a few hundred metres to the human island. Those humans who picked up the charred remains of the birds discovered the first roasted chicken.

The volcano continued spewing magma, and for days after that, the surrounding area smelled like a barbeque pit. Finally, the volcano stopped, and everyone thought the worst was over. For days after that, the people of the island next to chicken island celebrated with their new-found food, the roasted bird! (they haven't thought of calling the birds chickens yet).

Then someone had the bright idea of going over to chicken island to catch the birds so that they can have roast bird every day! Everyone thought it was a good idea, so they decided to form a party of the best swimmers (they still couldn't build good boats) in the island to swim to chicken island!

So the day finally came, and dozens of young island men gathered to start the 800 metre swim to chicken island! Soon they were off, and the crowd waited in the hot sun (they didn't have umbrellas back then... nor apparently the common sense to get into the shade) for their return!

When the swimmers were halfway to the island the apparent dormant volcano came to life, again! But this time the blast was so great, Chicken island was totally destroyed!

The swimmers were blasted away and found some many miles away in a strange land called Britain. The birds were blasted out of the island and some landed at the island next to Chicken island, inhabitat by humans. Some survived the blast to carry on the lineage of the chicken. The humans unanimously decided to name the birds Chickens in remembrance of the island which was once their neighbour. After that, they killed every single one of them and barbequed them and ate them.

Meanwhile, the swimmers who were washed ashore were faced with their white faced hosts from the strange land called Britain. They ran away despite assurances from their hosts that they were harmless. They eventually ran back to the ocean and drowned. The inhabitants of the strange land called Britain thought that they were from Chicken island, since they too saw the blast. Therefore, they named the runaways, Chickens!

Some of the birds from Chicken island made it to faraway lands where they mated and produced more offspring. By then, the name Chicken has spread throughtout the land, as the inhabitants of the island next to chicken island finally learned to build boats and made trading and commerce their main economy.

Through time, the origins of the chicken has been forgotten, and through this story, one can only hope that the true origins of the Chickens can be told so that their humble beginnings are preserved forever in digital entries! Long live the chickens!!!

Next time, we'll have the incredible story of the chickens who were blasted out to sea and mutated by the blast. This is the story of... the duck...


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