Random Solitary Thoughts

Friday, May 05, 2006

Remembering the past...

Having had some free time to myself at work these days, I began surfing blogs and whatnots. Something I didn't have the luxury of doing without someone breathing heavily down my neck for the work "TO BE DONE TODAY".

Anyways, I came across www.suanie.net and read a little column on buddhism related posts. Now, I grew up pretty much a free thinker, given that my parents gave me a whole world of choice as to which religion I would like to adopt. But somewhere along the way, I somehow 'connected' with the teachings of buddhism.

And it's interesting to note that the posts on Suanie's blog invoked thoughts of my own. Disturbing ones actually. Looking back at the way I used to think, I thought, "Where did I go wrong?". No doubt I was brought up with principles, and I kept to them, but I did notice that recently, things have been unravelling in my life.

A lot of the way I used to think, to behave, to act, my personality, has become pretty much a shade of who I used to be. I look back at myself and see a completely different person. Was I ever that young? That foolish? I didn't take a lot of things for granted. In some ways I've grown, and in some ways, I've retreated back to the hole which I had left many many years ago. The question is, "What have I become?"

As I read the posts and recap what I used to know, I began to remember little teachings that I've picked up myself. What have I done with them? I used to be a little ball of confidence, believing the world is my oyster (nowadays, it's still pretty much the same oyster, but with my on the inside trying to get out). I wasn't afraid of anything! Everything was possible! I was invincible!

Then reality crashed down and I followed suit. Conformed to the norms of society, I let my better judgement cloud me. I grew cautious, wary, too wary for my own liking. I let failures pull me down, and I refused to get up. I grew tired of fighting. I grew tired of life.

But after reading her posts, I began to think. And I visited a few other bloggers sites'. And I thought some more. And the first thing that came to mind was, "I need coffee".

Yes, people, Multipurpose Man, is BACK!!!


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